FlyTheNest

I was 47 yesterday, I went out with two friends, the first fell by the wayside early as his daughter had crashed her car, the second began puking up a few hours after we had been for a Chinese. I did warn him not to eat the obviously uncooked rice but he didn't listen. I myself stayed drinking alone until meeting a pair of brothers from Zimbabwe, the elder of which has invited me to Hartlepool.

A place I never want to return to because the water burned the end of my cock.

The birthplace of mum,sister,better half,scene of wedding,it has a lot to answer for.

An ex of mine went to Hartlepool art college. I shall never forget sitting outside her final show enjoying a plastic cup of cheap wine when a black labrador came up to me sniffing about until its owner, an unremarkable fellow in middle age, said 'come on Robert'.

That's the only good thing I remember about Hartlepool.