Suicide.

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Sky'sGoneOut
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Suicide.

Post by Sky'sGoneOut »

My freind's mother is 89, her husband died last year. She's quick of wit and funny as fuck. I absolutely love her but she wants to die. She says she's had enough and she's stopped eating.

If only one one of you were available, because I've done my best. I've pointed out the joys of a sunrise and the dawn chorus and why being alive is a good thing. We've argued about why being dead is preferable to her constant sense of loss. I've no experience of trying to keep old ladies alive against their will.

Help.
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LadyCentauria
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Re: Suicide.

Post by LadyCentauria »

Oh no :( I'm really sorry to hear that, Sky. It must be particularly awful for your friend, when they're (probably) already grieving for their father, then having this to try to deal/cope with, too; they must need their mother more than ever. I wish I knew a way that could be guaranteed to help. Being needed – more than that, knowing that they're both loved and needed can help some people to see the point of living. If she's had a good/reasonable relationship with her GP, then asking them to see her might help – she might have sunk into a clinical depression. If she has grandchildren or even great-grandchildren, she could be bribed into eating by dictating/writing/recording her life-story for them. Or teaching someone something she can do that they can't – to cook family recipes or knitting or shorthand or early-mediaeval history, or whatever it might be. Those are so often the things 'will to live' comes down to, being loved, being respected, being valued, being needed. Or wanting to learn something new, having something to look forward to. So, is there something she's always wanted to do, or somewhere she's wanted to go, and could you and your friend make that happen for her? Tell her to get her glad-rags on 'cause you're taking her dancing, perhaps – I know, but it might make her laugh and she might take you up on it. Not that I'm sure where there's a dance on...

Like I said, nothing that's guaranteed to work. We each have to find the will to live for ourselves – but that doesn't mean we can't be nudged towards it. Love to you and to your friend and to this lady who has your love and clear admiration. xxx
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ohsocynical
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Re: Suicide.

Post by ohsocynical »

Honestly don't know what to suggest Sky.

I've sort of decided that's what I'll do when I've had enough and the future looks too bleak.

It's very final when a partner of many, many years goes and the one left is a grand old age.

I think LadyCenturia's suggestion of asking her to get her life story down on paper - or tape - could be a good idea.

Make it a celebration of her life...
We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office. – Aesop
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Sky'sGoneOut
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Re: Suicide.

Post by Sky'sGoneOut »

Her doctor has prescribed her protein, so my friend had to go to some body building shop and buy up the crap they eat.

I've sat and watched her force it down, this horrid slime in a can supposedly chocolate flavoured.

I've already offered myself as an author of her life but she knows me.

We've talked of dying many times.

It seems she wishes to beat me to it.
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Sky'sGoneOut
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Re: Suicide.

Post by Sky'sGoneOut »

She misses her husband.

A man who could quote The Illiad in English and ancient greek, a man who fought in Spain, a different kind of man.

The kind we miss.
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LadyCentauria
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Re: Suicide.

Post by LadyCentauria »

It doesn't matter that she knows you, Sky, if she's willing to tell you her story and perhaps her husband's. Can I suggest a recipe which will be easy to swallow and to digest and which will (hopefully) take away the taste of that stuff you've described? You make it up first thing in the morning, have a glass before breakfast, keep the rest in the fridge and make sure it's all gone by bedtime - if she's unable to prepare it herself, perhaps you or her son could make it up for her and just make sure it's all used within a maximum of 24 hours.

You'll need one pint of whole milk, one certified salmonella-free raw egg, one banana, a dessertspoon each of molasses, honey, tahini, wheatgerm and Brewer's yeast powder, and finally, four dried apricots. Whisk all the ingredients together in a liquidizer or with a hand blender - I had to use a potato-masher then a hand-whisk as I didn't have the electrical gadgets- then don't forget to keep the smoothie/drink in the fridge.

I'm not suggesting she give up on the protein-drink immediately but, when I was prescribed the same and really could not stand it so complained to my doctor, this is what he suggested having heard Michael Van Straten talking about it on the radio the night before I saw him. So, I switched to this (which clearly has protein from the egg and some from the milk) and still, frequently, have a variant of it for breakfast. My variant is to leave out the egg (she shouldn't, yet, because she'll need the protein!) then swap the milk for a couple of tablespoons of live yoghourt and add two tablespoons of my favourite muesli – and I don't liquidize it, because I have my appetite back and am capable of eating solid food again now, which I wasn't back then! Both variants taste lovely – to me, anyroad!

You're a good friend in all this, Sky, All the best to you :hug:
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Sky'sGoneOut
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Re: Suicide.

Post by Sky'sGoneOut »

Molasses? Do you think I'm black?

Sorry thank you, I'll pass your recipe on.

I had a little chat with her yesterday. I pointed out how humane witty and wonderful she was and how this world would be more shitty if she were to extricate herself from it prematurely.

She called me a patronising prick.

Now she's taken to her bed.
ohsocynical
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Re: Suicide.

Post by ohsocynical »

Sorry to hear that Sky. She does sound a foisty old lady and very determined.

My dad sort of did the same thing. He had become so ill the hospital said he needed specialist 24 hour care so should go in a home. I couldn't lift him and wasn't well myself. He was in hospital at the time. We had a meeting with docs, social workers etc. He told us all to fuck off.
We saw him the next day and he apologised...Then I got a phone call in the wee small hours to say he'd died. They did a post mortem because although he was ill, it shouldn't have killed him so soon...

I still feel guilty. Feel I let him down.
We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office. – Aesop
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Sky'sGoneOut
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Re: Suicide.

Post by Sky'sGoneOut »

She's gone now. The woman I loved.

Died last Thursday.

I doubt I'll meet her likes again. Someone who will take in anyone.

We're not like that.

She was the person we pretend to be.
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Sky'sGoneOut
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Re: Suicide.

Post by Sky'sGoneOut »

You twat.
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LadyCentauria
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Re: Suicide.

Post by LadyCentauria »

I'm so sorry for your loss, @Sky. And very sorry that I'm not there to offer you a hand to hold.
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